Generally Speaking

Looking at it from this perspective, it becomes a little easier to see what I mean. Watch:

There's nothing to it. That's all I can say, really. Well, there may be a little bit to it, but not much more than it takes on any other night out - it's just a modulation of who you talk to, how you do so, and how busily preoccupied you are with waking up in your own bed.... See where this is going yet? If not, just bear with me a little longer. What I'm saying is, it doesn't matter who it is: someone you care about, or someone you don't. I've seen it happen enough times to know that the person doesn't matter at all, it's the act, the fulfillment, the intent and the resolution; the primordial, philandering drive to pursue and predate, and all that matters is the accomplishment... really. People may say otherwise, and they usually do, but everyone - everyone - knows, what they're really thinking is "I hooked up." There's no meaningful qualitative evaluation of it, despite any surface claims to the contrary, but rather a simple acknowledgment that it happened. And that makes them feel good. Momentarily or not: the fact that they consciously engaged in a hookup, after going out with the intention of doing so, that single fact is enough to brighten the spirit just long enough until it happens again. And it will. Because they will want it to happen again. And it'll be just as easy as the time before, all you have to do is follow the formula:

1.) Drink. A lot. 

2.) Make yourself available by talking to anyone. 

3.) Remove any standards of decorum or preference. 

4.) Look for the person most likely to reciprocate your advances. 

5.) Talk to that person. 

6.) Flirt with that that person.

7.) Suggest more drinking. 

8.) Suggest you both find a ride...anywhere. 

9a.) If he/she goes with you, you're golden, go right to step 10. If not then 

9b.) Start over from point 1, until 9a is successful. 

10.) Find a bed and hook up.

And then wake up the next morning and leave. Game over. You win. Imagine yourself being carried home on the shoulders of all your little congratulatory egos, because this was a huge boost. By noon the next day you'll have forgotten the whole thing and it's time to move on to stuff that actually matters... Whew. Glad that's out of the system, right?

I guess. But think about this. What if... and this is a huge presumption... what if I told you, that in everything you just read, that that person, the one who knows and follows the formula exactly and makes good on it 9 times out of 10, has absolutely no romantic courage whatsoever? Would that be hard to believe? That someone capable of fulfilling every middle/high school boy's dreams of infinite...whatever... has the relative Guts of a bumbling pretentious braggart?

Would that seem surprising? 

I hope not... Because it isn't. For some reason our culture, the culture of recent, current, and forthcoming college students, ennobles a guy's ability to hook up with tons of girls. Ennobles. Yes, that's the word I'm using. Because a guy who bangs 50 girls becomes a legend. But why? I mean really - think about that. Why is that news?

Does every guy universally want that? 

Yeah, at some point, a guy will think about what it's like to have unlimited access to sex with tons of girls. But the guy that does it - that stud apparent - has the emotional maturity of a guppy, and even less courage.

Because think about this situation: instead of wanting unlimited promiscuous sex, this other guy, bless his heart, wants something more...something different, off the beaten path, better. He wants a girl, one girl, to be a bigger part of his life. Not his sex-life. His daily life. 

The person he is when he's alone - he wants her to know that person. The person he is when he's with his friends - he wants her to know that person. And he wants to know her in the same way. 

Wanting it is one thing. Anyone can do that, we're genetically wired to want waaayyyy more than we'll ever have. But asking for it... Telling her. Well fuck. That's saying something. Something real. And it doesn't even have to imply all the requisite implications of liking someone - remember the days when you used to think about saying "I like you like you" - it could just mean, "I care about you a lot, and I hope that one day you'll allow me to show you who I am, that you'll show me who you are." Physicality doesn't have to have anything to do with it... yet. I mean, don't get me wrong, physical attraction is the First Form of Attraction, but physical acts don't have to come right away. They shouldn't define a relationship, only enhance it... But even still - the simple act of telling a person how you feel, often with the heart-rending hope that it'll be reciprocated, that shows true courage. That's a willingness to face the worst kind of rejection. If the first guy you read about gets rejected, it's obvious he's being rejected on purely physical bounds. If the second guy gets rejected, it's personal... it's emotional, fundamental. 

It's basically saying "Okay... you... like me. Great. Thanks... but sorry - I really have no interest in getting to know you... at all. The sampler you've given me so far is great, but I'm too full (read: busy, distracted, emotionally shallow, etc...) for anything else. We can still be friends though!" Often said with the obligatory raising of the voice, hopefully imparting some hopeful resolution to a really awkward situation. Sorry for that by the way. Every girl who's ever had to deal with that. We know it's really hard on you.

But... now that it's been laid out. Who deserves more credit here? The guy who risks nothing, or the guy who risks everything?

Think about how you feel about it. Then think about what you've seen out there in the world... And maybe you'll see why this had to be written at all...